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 | KINGS OF NEON INFO PAGES |  | Frequently Asked Questions... Please read very carefully |
| When will my order be processed because I want these bad boys NOW? Be patient my people, I can understand your desperation. In my homeland huge wars were caused because of these "Bad boys" (as you so eloquently put it). As I have my army of crazy neon curators customising these "Bad boys" by hand I allow them a maximum of ten working days (I am a King of the finest calibre and generosity and give them weekends off). Woe betide they fail me though, I will simply behead them all for such failure, though no heads have rolled to date. |
| When will these be delivered, as there is a UV dancefloor with my name on it?!? A fellow admirer of cordially ripping up the dance floor, I will inform my aides to send you some VIP tickets for my night of hedonistic debauchery. Less of the tete a tete, in regards to delivery I will send my finest horsemen at great haste to ensure you receive my ambrosian gifts within my ten working day allowance. |
| Will these Kings of Neon plimies make me officially TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL I have very little doubt once you don a pair of Kings of Neon your life will change forever, your friends will look up to you in a way humanity never perceived possible, your teachers will do your homework for you, your boss will give you the year off and triple your pay, your dog will search the faces of the Gods for the ability to speak in human tongue just to tell you how down right cool you look. Be not afraid, brace it with open arms, for these are truly magical times. |
| How do I pay for my Neontastic Plimsolls? I remember days of Olde when currency consisted solely of the exchange of the finest glow sticks, these were truly prosperous times, the economy of our great civilisation was booming, however our once great currency became obsolete almost overnight when we were hit by the devastating Spice girl depression of 1996. Our great currency is going through a period of rapid resurgence and soon our reserve will be such that mankind will once again freely exchange these fantastic rods of neon magic, until then though please pay by Paypal. |
| Do I need a Paypal account, or do you accept Gold Bullion? Gold Bullion is of very little use to me, Gold has a staunch position within the lives of many, however, throughout the history of my great forefathers it has been an element perceived as useful as eye protection for chickens. If you were to offer me the Limited Edition Sabre Glow Stick Elite Version IV I would quite frankly cut your arm off, but please keep your Gold. As there is only 1 such glow sticks in existence I suggest you pay using paypal for which you can pay directly using many methods, fear not for they have also built a strong castle and the treaty we have established has created a formidable front line. |
| How will my plimsolls be packaged, will they come by ROYAL mail? hahahahahahahaha Humour of such magnitude is not often come across my good man, A recent opening has arisen for a court jester and with little doubt you seem the perfect candidate. I must move on for a feel to ponder too long on such exquisite wit would cause my sides to split and I would no longer be able to bestow upon mankind my miracle of creation. I will send your gifts in the saddlebags of my finest horsemen, They will remain tamperproof and safely protected from the elements, for recruits from far away lands they will be delivered on the backs of my great dragon warriors, please do not be afraid, they only attack computer geeks (minions of the devil). |
| How will I know if you have sold out, and how will I cope? How one copes with such cyclopean disappointed is the true test of mankinds spirit. I have faced a number of colossal tests in my many years, however, none has come close to the immense scale of this Pandoras box. The only consolation I can offe is this special email hotline to allow people on a first come first served basis to reserve my ambrosia <a href="mailto:blessmemylord@kingsofneon.com">blessmemylord@kingsofneon.com</a> All stocks are updated each evening, on items that are sold out a link to this email address will be provided, and I will personally provide you with expected timescales. A king must provide for his people and I am a truly great King! |
| Could you possibly fix it so I could meet Timmy Mallet? I love him!! Timmy Mallet is a good friend of mine, once I convinced him to stop hitting me with Mallets Mallet we got on like a house on fire. No king likes to be repeatedly hit over the head by a huge purple and yellow mallet in front of his court, I am no exception, even if it by the most important icon of the modern age. Myself and Timmy can often be seen cutting up many a dancefloor. No one can create such exquisite range of shapes as the Mallet master. In answer to your question in this one instance I will arrange a meeting, but please remember people I am neither Cilla Black nor Jimmy Saville. |
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